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How to remain confident and calm in your relationship 

Relationships add to our sense of community, our desires to be seen, loved and supported.

Many women have been groomed to seek long-term relationships as an accomplishment.

The Barbie doll has Ken. Hallmark movies and television shows model romanticized, near perfect relationships. Because of this we often have unrealistic and unspoken expectations for our partners when we enter relationships.

So, what happens when a woman enters into a committed, exclusive relationship with a man she has dreamed of only being faithful to her, having no desires or temptations once he is committed or knows what to say and do without desires being communicated?

She is often disappointed, frustrated, and sometimes heartbroken.

I am not saying a woman should not have principles, boundaries and expectations of her partner. I am stating a woman has to prepare her mind and spirit for the realities she lives in and the realities she is entering into.

Ladies, before you met your partner he more than likely had friends, associates or even relations in play BEFORE you. You may of had the same. What do we do with the prior relationships we have when we are starting a new path with a partner? CREATE BOUNDARIES.

If you are in a relationship or considering a partnership in the future, here are 7 ways to remain confident, cool and collected while communicating and managing the people who knew your special someone before you did or may meet them while you are together:

1. Remember who you are. You were special, whole, loved and valued before you entered into the relationship. Your relationship does not diminish any part of you when things do not go as expected or simply do not work out altogether. You are a separate individual with gifts and talents who has decided to join another person’s journey to make each other better. As you pour into your partner make sure you are doing so from a cup that is overflowing.

2.  Communicate your true stance. To be truthful with others you have to be truthful to yourself first. Stand in your truth and own your truth. If something does not sit right with you and you sense a prior outside relationship does not have clear boundaries set by your PARTNER, communicate in a healthy way your thoughts and feelings. If another woman is calling your man’s phone at 10:00 pm every night “to talk”, you have the position to question the details of that dynamic. Sit with yourself  first to ensure you are not acting out insecurities or unresolved past trauma.

3.  Be confident. Confidence is a muscle you have to exercise everyday. It gets stronger as you consistently face challenges. I have found exercising is my fuel to feel my best physically. You and your partner have chosen each other for many reasons. Be confident in your looks, your personality and everything that makes YOU, YOU.

4. Ask questions about girls that are his friends. When did they meet? How long have they known each other? Do they have a sexual past? In what mediums do they communicate? How often? When will you get to meet her? These questions are meant to be asked from a place of curiosity not interrogation. If she is simply a friend, your partner will not withhold this information from you.

5. Trust your partner. Without trust, there is no relationship. As a Queen on her throne, you have no time to be searching his phone while he is sleeping or in the bathroom, checking his social media pages or asking for his passwords. Word is bond. If you do not or cannot trust the person you are with, it may be time to seek alternatives.

6. Be the best you in your relationship. There is a saying that says “What you won’t do, someone else will.” While I agree with this statement, I take it lightly. You know what is within your ability, capacity and desire to how you show up in your relationship. Remaining authentic to yourself and giving your best is what makes the difference. Treat your relationship with attention, love and care. It is a part of  you so strive to be the best in it.

7. Let it go. This is the hard one. Once an issue has been addressed, release it. It is challenging because no matter how many funny, sexy and loving moments we experience, our minds still remember the one time or few times something bad happened. Mistakes happen. People happen. Don’t happen with them — let it go.

My hope is that you will not be possessive in your relationship as the best love sets the other person free to be their best self. Set boundaries, trust your intuition and create your own kind of love story. B

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God Protected 28

365 days went by. 3..2..1.. the clock struck 12:00am and I wake up 28.

Where did the years go? Did I live in them or did they live me? How did my legs get so long and my confidence so strong?

As I lay in a bed not my own, that of a Airbnb owner, glaring out of a striped window, I begin to ponder on the life I’ve lived. Many of the memories I didn’t think of simply because so much has transpired.

I was feeling sexy as I threw off the layers of covers and let my feet hit the ground.

The day was ahead of me, 27 years behind me.

I believe in healing. I believe in miraculous acts. I believe in divine connections. I believe in course correction. I believe in love although I’ve been fighting it these days.

I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve been shielded from, many times without me even knowing at that time.

I’ve considered all of the wonderful blessings that have been given to me over the years. Few I’ve strained for.

Being a twin, birthdays are much like holidays. They’re celebrated more. Maybe it’s the awe of two humans coming from one woman in a matter of minutes.

What I know for sure, God protected 28. I’ve settled. I’ve went against my intuition to keep what I thought I needed. I’ve made silly and serious mistakes. There’s been times I haven’t been honest with myself. I’ve pushed people away when I didn’t get my way. Even in all that, God protected 28.

Reminders from God’s Calendar

Monday night before bed, I reviewed my monthly goals. Goals are easier to chew when you take a bite each day. Say no to overindulgence, my friends.

I said to myself, “When I wake up, I’m going to do this, this and this.” Gratefully, the sun rose and I had another chance to strive towards my goals. I hopped out of bed, ready to take on the day, listening to my favorite YouTube video I listen to every morning: Who You Are Message to All Women https://youtu.be/uWi5iXnguTU.

I jumped in my car and headed to my first stop of the day. I planned in my head and iPhone calendar I would be out by 10:00am based off of historical information given to me by others who had the same experience.

As I sat in the waiting area, sipping my hot coffee black, I engaged in light conversations with a few other people who were also planning the rest of their day and stating how much they HAD to do before the day was over.

Time quickly passed and 9:00am was upon us. I began to think how “I” could hurry this process. How “I” could make sure I was on to the next thing as “I” had planned the day before.

I shifted in my seat this way and the other, cleared my throat, checked my watch again and again, yet nothing happened.

I was slowly coming into the realization that I was not going to be able to leave when I expected. Isn’t it funny how we think we have control over others, the environment and the circumstances?

I was quickly reminded I could only control my reactions and attitude to what was going on around me. As I was asked to stand, shortly after I was asked to sit again as I was chosen to serve a civic duty.

Was I mentally, emotionally or even spiritual prepared for what I was walking into? No. Was I present to what had to be done over what I was desired to do? Yes.

I was called to make a shift and here are 7 reminders God’s calendar notified me of as I sat in a freezing cold room surrounded by people I had never met or even seen before.

1. What God wants you to do will always prevail over what you are choosing.

2. You are not nor have you ever been in control of anything other than yourself and your actions.

3. When you are present you are not missing anything.

4. You can fight for what you want or allow God to give you what you need.

5. You are progressing even when it feels like you are standing still.

6. There are people who need your presence more than you often realize.

7. Four hands on a steering wheel causes accidents, take yours off. Trust God’s.

I deleted all of my calendar plans for that day and quietly, gently whispered to myself “I want your calendar God, not mine.”

Dreams and Nightmares

As little kids, we are always encouraged to dream. In fact, to DREAM BIG. Before we are old enough to think for ourselves, we are asked the famous childhood question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Most children answer this question based off of occupations they’ve seen glorified — teacher, firefighter, policeman, doctor or lawyer.

It is the cutest thing until that once young child realizes the commitment, time, and dedication it takes to master each profession.

The child quickly learns their dreams aren’t just a word away put several steps ahead of where he currently is.

What about the little girl who grew up planning her wedding before her own personal purpose and success? She vividly imagines the white, flowing dress with her 10 best friends in her wedding party.

She imagines the most handsome, perfect and charming man she will get to call her forever.

Dreams are beautiful. Dreams are brave. They keep us living beyond our current realities. But what if we considered the nightmares that come with the dreams.

Would it make the dream less desirable? No. Would it make the realities clear and help set proper expectations? Yes.

Let’s go back to the little child who dreams of being a doctor but has no idea it takes a minimum of 8 years of school and rigorous competition to land his residency.

Let’s consider telling him he will have to sacrifice his time, his personal desires, and fund this process with personal assets or student loans. Let’s mention the challenges so he will know before the white coat he will have to get down and dirty (do the work) to earn it.

Let’s go back to the little girl dreaming of her Prince Charming coming to save her from her singleness gloom. Let’s mention self-love, self-respect and honor to attract the man she’s dreaming of. Let’s mention her man will not be perfect as no human is. Let’s mention he will eventually disappoint her because Superman is a man first.

As adults, let’s pair nightmares with dreams. Let’s look at both sides of the coins and not just the flip side.

A higher salary in Corporate America will more than likely require more production out of you and more time away from your family.

A FREE deal advertised, one will pay for in some way whether it be time or money. *Queue timeshare presentations*.

A leadership role will only do so much for your pride and ego as you learn you will serve others more than you will yourself.

As I plan my next moves, I’m writing a nightmare by every dream. What about you?

The Spirit Virus

What ever happened to soul food? I’m not talking about the collard greens, the cornbread, the yams, or the dressing. I’m talking about the infectious, tasty conversations people use to bring to the table. Now, it seems like we as culture drink spoiled milk and vomit on others in public. Our attitudes being as tasteless and dry as a chef cooking homemade Mac and cheese for the first time.

Who do we turn to for answers? Or do we turn to ourselves? I believe we turn to ourselves. That’s the only thing within our control. Our reactions, our responses, our choices. Even not choosing is a choice.

This week, I got extremely sick at work. Sharp pains started at the top of my head to the soles of my feet. As I finished one customer, I went to speak with my manager. He greeted me with “Brit Brit, what’s up?” I replied “I feel very ill.”

He ordered me to the back to sit down for 10 minutes and to drink water. I did what he said, but I felt like I needed more than physical nourishment. I thought it may be a bad response to the food I had just eaten. I thought it was the bipolar weather of the south that had triggered my immune system to break down.

With tears running down my face, my body in physical pain and my eyes closed shut, I simply prayed.

When my 10 minute timer went off, I headed back. Still not physically or mentally up to the challenge of offering our latest promotions with a smile, I called it a day. I grabbed my things. Leaving my beloved cheesecake behind, I headed home.

For the next 36 hours, I took medicine, drank lots of water and meditated. The most effective of the the three turned out to be meditation. What was happening internally had a direct effect on my physical ailments.

My spirit was infected with self-doubt, frustration, irritation and toxic energy from others I encounter on a daily basis. So I turned to myself for answers. For a response. I decided I had the cure. Even if the food left me terribly ill, there had to be seeds already there to manifest such a horrible reaction. I won’t diagnose anyone else but here are symptoms of the spirit virus and things to avoid:

Symptoms:

  • Feelings of unworthiness
  • Lack of joy and peace
  • Challenge in communicating
  • Tension in the neck and under eyes
  • Doubt of a hopeful and divine future

Things to avoid:

  • Patients who have the spirit virus but do not desire treatment
  • Your own negative thoughts
  • Environments where toxic energy of normalized
  • Comparing your life to others
  • Revisiting memories without an intent to learn a lesson or choose gratitude

I believe the Human spirit is one of the greatest assets we have. When it’s sick our bodies let us know.

Peace and blessings,

Britney

Flower Gardens in My Heart

As I reflect on the month of February, it’s been a great one. The month started with intense workouts in the training facility I consistently go to.

The second week I celebrated my 28th Birthday in beautiful Orlando, Florida. The week ended with a dim light dinner with 14 of my closest family and friends.

The third week I returned to work with high energy, smiles for days, and love in my heart for the job I *get to* do everyday.

This week, I exceeded my sales goals and won an award I’ve been gunning for since last year.

All month, I’ve been realizing the blockages in my heart as it relates to romantic love. I’ve been amazed at how defensive I become when I’m treated how I deserve to be treated.

What’s foreign to us normally scares us.

However, persistence is winning. Seeds of love are being planted in the garden of my heart daily. Many I plant, many others do. Isn’t it a beautiful time for blooming with Spring right about the corner?

We all have so much to be thankful for.

I hope you’ve been gardening, pruning and trimming in your own life.

Beautiful things can’t bloom with weeds, underutilized space and under fertilized soil.

B

Dasani with the Drip: HOTWORX Edition

Many say Thank God it’s Friday or Happy Friday as an indicator that we can’t wait to relax and settle into our weekend plans. I had another idea in mind. I wanted to try something new. Something that would challenge me and even energize me to stay active over the weekend.

30 degree weather isn’t the friendliest with high winds wrapping around you like an infinity scarf. Nonetheless, I walked swiftly to the entrance of a building that appeared it needed a security code to get in. I could only imagine what was inside was worth seeing.

I was greeted by the friendliest blonde who clearly had her coffee and great customer service training. She gave me a quick tour of the most modern, high tech gym I’d ever seen. What looked like small cabins housed hundreds of infrared panels for two kinds of workouts: yoga classes or HIIT workouts.

I had done both before but I chose the 40 minute hot yoga class in 125 degrees infrared heat. I was provided a towel, HOTWORX yoga mat, and a foam roller. I was all set. Now all I had to do was get in and put in the work.

The clock counted me down 60..59..58.. seconds until three yogis appeared on the television screen with instructions for the class, the poses we would do, and how long we would sit in the poses.

5 minutes in the class, I glanced at the thermostat, now sitting at a lovely 123 degrees. My body was responding fast. My heart rate already at 136 beats per minute.

The hot yoga class was intense including one legged planks, eagle pose, and warrior pose 1 and 2.

I paused a few minutes during the class to hydrate with water. I stretched, I pushed through it, and told my body yes when it was saying “that’s enough sister.”

Sweat dripped off me like raindrops on window sills. I was detoxing as I was working out. How cool is that? The clock counted down 30 seconds for each interval in what seemed like slow motion at times.

At the end of the session, I felt like I had won a race. I felt like I had accomplished something big. That’s what HOTWORX is about. Sweating, detoxing, and gaining strength.

Before I left the gym, I purchased a HOTWORX during band to use at home in my infrared sauna room.

If you want to switch up your workout, not too fond of the gym, or looking for a new way to train, check out a HOTWORX class.

You’ll learn about infrared heat, different row bikes, and most importantly you’ll learn you don’t have limits unless you create them.